A Better Place
by Kisses.in.the.dark95
Summary: What do you do when your best friend and true love simultaneously turn their backs on you? When you feel like you have nothing left? One little cut could make a small smile appear on my grim face. But it never stopped as one little cut. Follow Rose as she finds out how hard it is to feel alone and betrayed. Read and Review xx contains self harm and other issues
1. Chapter 1

**A/N hey guys sorry I've been m.I.A for a while I just got out if hospital sometimes my own life isn't all that great. I'll try to update my other stories tomorrow I just need to find my laptop charger. This is coming off of my phone it's just something I've had stuck in my head. I'm nor sure if it will be a Rose/Christian story or a Rose/Dimitri story yet but just read and let me know what you think. Love you guys heaps and thanks for the support :) xxx**

Maybe just one little cut will help me through all this pain and heartbreak. One little cut could make a small smile appear on my grim face. But it never stopped as one little cut, that one little cut turned into several little cuts, those several little cuts turned into several deep cuts. That one little razor blade became my lifeline. The only way for me to truly be able to feel something other then the horrible numbness that is left behind after all the hurt.

When you have no one left you realize how much you truly don't matter. After my best friend, my sister, basically told me she wanted nothing to do with me because I was a selfish bloodwhore who didn't give a damn about anyone else's life, I ran to my room. That hurt only added to the pieces of my shattered heart after my Russian god told me love fades and that he didn't want me anymore. The two people who I would do anything for were deserting me to be with each other. They didn't know that I knew but how couldn't i? As much as Lissa and I don't want to be bonded we still are and I still get sucked into her head even when I don't want to. I was pulled into her head that day and there they were both topless on her bed pulling back from a steamy make out session. My heart shattered further at that. It was bearable that they weren't talking to me but watching them on her bed as he touched her the way he once touched me was absolutely soul shattering, heart consuming, unbearable. What was worse was watching Christian's face crumple, the hurt shone brightly in his eyes, as he watched what was supposed to be the love of his life getting hot and heavy with what was supposed to be the love of my life. He stood frozen in shock as they pulled back and Lissa was the first to break the silence.

"Christian can never know about this." She whispered, her lips just centimeters aways from my Russian god's.

"Nor can Rose." He mumbled, hammering another nail into my heart.

"Don't worry about me finding out since I'm standing right here!" Christian boomed. "No doubt that Rose is watching this all right now because as much as she doesn't want to be in your head she can't get out of it." He snarled. Damn fire boy new everything.

Lissa tried to apologize and say it wasn't what it looked like, but Christian new better. He grabbed his bag and started packing his stuff. The look on his face crushed my heart a little bit more. He looked so broken. Who new the two hardest people you knew would be the two who were broken. In Lissa's mind I could feel that she blamed me. If I had of been a good friend I would've stopped Christian from entering the room, if I was a good friend I would've stopped pursuing Dimitri and let her have him, if I was such a good friend I wouldn't be here anymore. That last thought destroyed whatever was left of me.

That was how I became a fragile shell of myself. How I hardly left my room or ate or changed out of my sweats or spoke to anyone. That was how there was hardly a part of my body that didn't have a scar or cut. The only time I did leave was to train and when I did I put my earphones in and ignored everyone. That was how Christian Ozera found me broken and crying in the woods.

I ripped myself out of Lissa's head and put the mental blocks up. I didn't want to feel anymore of her emotions after what just happened. I made my way to my bathroom catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stopped and looked at myself for a while. I was broken inside and out anyone who just looked at me could tell. My hair was just thrown into a bun on top of my head, I wore a pair of black tights and baggy hooded jumper, my eyes were lifeless and a fresh stream of tears were flowing from them. I studied myself a bit more. Under the clothes were the scars from last week when Dimitri broke my heart and Lissa just stood on it. The old Rose would've never let herself cry this much but the old Rose never expected pain of this magnitude. I swung out and smashed the mirror, I couldn't look at my broken reflection if I could I'd never look at it again, the mirror shattered just like my heart and a piece of the glass embedded into knuckles and another cut my arm. I walked backwards until my back hit the wall behind me, slowly I lowered myself down the wall holding the small razor blade from my pocket as if it was the key to life.

I rolled up the sleeve of my jumper and made several more cuts across the already damaged skim there. This time it was more desperate, clumsy even. I was just trying to find some sort of release some sort of outlet for all this pain inside me. After ten cuts across my arm and still nothing I stood up on my shaky legs and waked towards my cabinet. I pulled out the bottle of pills and swallowed to handfuls. After a few minutes I surveyed the destruction that I once again left behind, seems that's all I ever do is leave destruction on my wake, and decided to take I walk. I rolled my sleeve back down in an attempt to cover the new cuts and put my headphones in effectively blocking out the world. I left my apartment door open, not like there was anything worth taking, and walked to the forest just inside the wards. I say down and my body slumped against the tree, my world was slowly becoming dizzy. I didn't mean for this to happen but I guess it's better this way right? If I finally take myself out of this earth everything will be better right? The world of the dead has been calling me for too long, I don't know if I'd survive death, or near death, again. Honestly how many chances did someone get? Maybe it's time I let everyone else be happy and the only way for that to happen was if I took my last breathe. My eyes became heavy and I saw a figure approaching me. I could see their arms moving around and lips moving as if they were talking but I heard nothing. I watched sleepily as they applied pressure to my arm and tried to shake me awake.

Maybe they were too late. But they were better off without me anyway, they didn't need me in their life to cause anymore heartache. This was it now it was time for me to go.

**A/N remember to read and review. Let me know what you think. I'll update my other stories hopefully tomorrow :) love you guys and please stay strong xx**


	2. Two weeks ago

**Again guys this is from my phone. Still trying to locate that missing charger. Please read and review :) let me know if you want Rose/Christian or Rose/Dimitri :) thanks for all your support so far xxx**

2 weeks earlier...

He was still avoiding me like I was the Black Plague trying to claim his life. It was as if everything we've been through means nothing now. As if everything I went through to save means nothing all because she stabbed the stake through his heart and now he claims that she save him. I forgot how much Lissa loves him and how she risked her life for him. Torturing strigoi until they gave her the information she needed to track him down, how she was held captive by the man she loves and used but no matter what happened in Siberia she forgave him because she loved him so much she couldn't bare to be without him even if the nightmares were coming back. I forgot that Lissa had to feel the hurt and betrayal come through the bond when she decided to go on a possible death mission. I forgot how much watching the love of her life be taken and there was nothing she could do to stop because she was being pulled backward, away to safety. I forgot how much all of this then being told 'love fades, mine has' crushed her and destroyed her heart and soul.

Hang on, that was all me, I was the one who had to go through all the hurt and pain and disappointment.

But to add to all of that my best friend and sister is avoiding me and sending messages through the bond accusing me of being selfish and that I should stay away from Dimitri. With all that there was the fact that Eddie was busy either guarding Lissa or meeting up with Jill and Adrian. Adrian had found someone else, someone who isn't in love with someone else, who could give him their undivided attention and love him. Christian was always with Lissa and Dimitri and I never thought I'd say this but I miss him, I miss his snarky comments and how he'd always look after me.

So here I sat in my room all alone. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my depression and downwards spiral. Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to control the urge cut myself whenever something went terribly wrong.

I was sitting in my room feeling absolutely shattered, there was nothing anyone else could do to make me feel worse, or so I thought. I was sitting there reading through one of the books off my shelf when she came barging in.

"How dare you? Everything was finally going well and you had to be your usual selfish self and mess everything up! Did you even think about how this could effect him? Or me? Do you even think before you act? No because you only care about one person and Rose we all know who that is. You need to grow up and realize that not everything is about you, that this world doesn't revolve around you. Gosh! Don't speak to me again! All you are is a selfish bloodwhore who only wants one thing! Stay away from me and Dimitri, better yet stay away from all of us. We don't want anything to do with you. We only took pity on you because you had no one." She said before she walked back out of my room slamming the door behind leaving no other indication that she was here other then the hurt inside of me and the shock on my face. I blocked off her feelings because all that was coming through was hate and resentment. This wasn't the way my life was supposed to be.

I calmly walked into my bathroom looking at the unfamiliar yet very familiar girl in the mirror. What had changed so much to make everything so drastically different? Maybe that was an answer I was never going to get. Maybe it was like asking why you fall in love, it's something that just happens, something unexplainable. I ran a hot bath and stripped off my clothes hoping that the water would relax me after a tough day. The bath was relaxing for a whole of three minutes before Lissa's thoughts came barging in.

'God she ruins everything, why can't she just leave? Nobody here wants her here anyway. She had to stick her nose in and wreck all our progress. I wish she'd disappear.'

Her words hurt me even more and I picked up my razor. I looked at it for a while contemplating what to do. Damn I was about to make myself into a hypocrite. I smashed the razor on the tub destroying the plastic and releasing the blades. I picked one of the blades up and decided to make one small cut. The one small cut felt good so I made a few more deeper ones. After 15 minutes I snapped out of it and looked at my wrist. There were about 15 cuts ranging in size and deepness. Maybe this could be my way out. My way from all the pain. I'd only use this when I truly had nothing else. When all hope was lost.

Maybe if I had someone to stop me back then I wouldn't have gone as far as I did. Maybe I wouldn't be in a hospital 2 weeks later fighting against the world of the dead to keep my life. Maybe then I would've found out the truth behind everything.


	3. He found her

**Thank you all for your support so far. I hope you enjoy this chapter :) let me know what you think with a review :) xxx love you guys xxx**

Christians P.O.V

The one thing I didn't expect to see when I walked into mine and Lissa's room was the scene that was in front of me. But honestly how could I be surprised with how close they've been getting lately you have to wonder how long it's been going on for. They pulled away from each other the stared into each other's eyes, brown looking into brown? Rose! Rose was in Lissa's head experiencing the same pain and betrayal that I was. This would only add to the hurt and brokenness that she had become accustomed to since the Russian got transformed back to his dhampir self.

"Christian can never know about this." Lissa broke the silence with her whispered words, her lips just centimeters aways from his.

"Nor can Rose." The Russian mumbled. The hurt from Rose shone through Lissa's eyes showing how deep their bond ran and that neither of them were aware.

"Don't worry about me finding out since I'm standing right here!" I boomed feeling like now was the time to step in, to save Rose from anymore hurt. It was easy for me to just walk out and leave it at that, but by the looks of things Rose was trapped in Lissa's head, in what can only be described as hell. "No doubt that Rose is watching this all right now because as much as she doesn't want to be in your head she can't get out of it." I snarled. I felt this protectiveness for Rose, she was so fragile at the moment, it's a surprise nobody had noticed.

Lissa's eyes went back to a shade of green that still had flecks of brown in them. I grabbed one of my bags and started shoving my stuff in it. Lissa grabbed my arm and started apologizing promising me it wasn't what it looked like. I wasn't that stupid I knew what this was. After a few more moments Lissa's eyes turned back to there full green colour and I realized Rose had out her blocks up. I backed the rest of my things and Lissa was still clinging to my arm but she suddenly let go and held her arm. I looked at her and her eyes were fully brown, the colour of Rose's. Was something happening with Rose? I watch Lissa slowly back herself down a wall. She held her left arm out and quickly started making slicing motions across it. I froze for a fraction of second before a ran out of the room forgetting my bags. I made my way to Rose's room but I wasn't fast enough I got there and it was just destroyed. The door was open and the bathroom floor had a small amount of blood on floor. I backed myself back out and followed the little droplets of blood to the outskirts of the woods.

There she was. Rose was slumped against a tree, her body limp and skin pale. I feared the worst. I ran to her screaming her name a flinging my arms around like a moron. She moved her head ever so slightly and opened her eyes. Those once beautiful bright brown eyes were now lifeless and dull. She'd taking something! I pushed my hand down onto the cuts on her left wrist.

"What did you take Rose?!" I screamed shaking her. She just looked at me her hand twitching a little. I grabbed it in my other hand. "You're going to be ok Rose. I promise you I won't let you be hurt again." I said with slight tears in my eyes.

She had a small smile before her eyes drooped close. I shook her a bit more but nothing. I felt for a pulse and there was a slight one. I picked her up bridal style while I called Adrian. I started running and he finally picked.

"Meet me at the infirmary now!" I barked as I continued to run praying that Rose would survive this heartache.

I made it to the infirmary and Rose was taken away from me. I say down in one of the horrible hospital chairs and waited for something. Anything. Adrain came running in and came to a stop in front of me.

"Christian? What's going on?" He said in a gentle voice. I'm not sure when we became so close but we were now. I didn't notice I was crying until I was pulled into a brotherly hug. "It's ok Chris, it's ok." He said trying to soothe me. I just shook my head in his chest and started to tell him the tale of Lissa and Dimitri's betrayal, how the bond had changed and how I found Rose's bedroom destroyed and Rose near dead in the forest.

To say Adrain was shocked and angry was an understatement. "What the hell? How could they do they? Why didn't anyone notice Rose had changed?" He sat me back down and started pacing. He pulled out his phone and called someone I was to busy thinking to know who. "Get to the infirmary now! Bring the rest of the gang." He growled into the phone.

Slowly Eddie, Mia, Jill then Lissa and Dimitri walked in. I let out a growl as the last two walked in, it was basically their fault that we were here. Mia came over a gentle hug and Eddie gave me a squeeze on the shoulder, soon enough though I wasn't going to be the only one who needed comforting.

"Why are we here?" Lissa asked annoyed.

"Sorry to interrupt your sex life with him," I snarled and Dimitri and everyone else just looked confused. "But it's about Rose."

"What about Rose?!" Eddie asked getting worried. How do I tell him that someone who was like his little sister is laying in a hospital bed near dead because we all deserted her. No note, no nothing, just me following her blood trail and finding her nearly unconscious body. I was crushed I can only imagine how everyone else would feel when they find out.

"Something happened and I didn't think this was anything she'd ever do." I tried to avoid the subject, I didn't want to be the one to tell them.

"Tell us already Ozera, we don't have all day for you to stall." Dimitri said getting angry.

"Let's just go it's probably nothing important." Lissa said.

"Leave then it's not like she matters to either of you!" I snarled earning shocked looks from everyone.

"Chris..." Mia started but she was cut off by the doctor.

"Lord Ozera?" He asked calling me over.

I ran over to wear the doctor was standing. "Yes how is she?" I couldn't stop the words from flying out of my mouth.

"We have done everything we can it's up to her now. She needs to fight the rest for herself. I'm not sure if she is going to wake up though." He said giving me a gentle squeeze on the shoulder as if to say 'I'm sorry for your loss.' But she wasn't gone, not yet.

I lost it. I dropped to the floor in that spot and cried. I begged whoever was up there to let Rose make it out of this because there were people that still needed her. I only hope that I wasn't to late.


	4. What do I do

**Thanks heaps to everyone who has reviewed and favorited. I still haven't fully decided if it's RxC or RxD yet. By the way in the books I felt like Lissa was always jealous of Rose (if you've read haunted you'd see that) and that how i'll portray her in my stories. Anyways here is chapter 4 hope you guys love it, don't forget to review love lots KissesInTheDark xx**

A Better Place Chap 4

Rose's P.O.V

It felt like I was floating. Floating around in a world with no pain, no hurt, no betrayal. A world without negativity. For once I felt completely free but at the same time I felt trapped. I have no idea where I am.

I kept floating until I came to the woods. Sitting there was Mason. It can't be Mason. Mason is dead, his gone I watched as he died. Unless, unless I was dead.

"You really did it this time Rosie. I'm not too sure if they will let you return to life again. You're too powerful, too important. You are needed for greater things here and on earth." Mason told me honestly.

"Where is here Mason?"

"Well this is limbo, where you go before you are actually dead. You're needed up here to guide the elders and help them. But you're needed down there to save everyone else. Our friends care more than you thought Rosie, they're all hopping that you will go back to them." He explained softly.

"Who gets to decide if I live or die? Who gets to decide who needs my help more Mason?! It's not right!" I exclaimed starting to get emotional. I knew deep down inside that even if I never wanted to see Lissa or Dimitri again there were ways around that.

"Only you can decide that Rose. This is entirely up to you."

"That's not fair Mase, I can't decide that! How will I know which is the best option?"

"Either option you choose Rose, you will save many lives, if you choose up here you will still save the same amount of lives no one will die but you'll have to see our friends suffer and that hurts. If choose to go back down nothing bad will come from it."

"Except that I don't get to see you or Lissa's family. I miss you Mase." I tell him truthfully with tears coming to my eyes.

"I know you do, but we need to talk about why you're here." He says as he sits me down under the trees.

"I'd rather not." I mumbled.

"Rose there are still people down there that care about you. You need to figure out the truth, what's really going on. Only you can stop the strigoi, only you know what their plan is."

I looked at Mason like he just grew an extra head. He has got to be kidding me. I think I know what I have to do.

CHRISTIAN'S P.O.V

She still just lies in this damn bed motionless. Adrian has tried to heel Rose but nothing. Nothing has worked. There isn't much else we can do but wait. And I have been waiting. For four fucking days since I brought her in. Belikov comes by to check on her once a day but I don't understand why. His with Lissa, god knows how much she wants him. I even had to watch as they hooked up in the bed I used to share with her. I don't understand what's going on and I don't think I want to, but we don't know what's going to happen with Rose when she wakes up.

I've been in this god damn room since the very first day. I don't hate the fact that I am here with Rose, I hate the fact that Rose is in the infirmary trying to survive. I would be here regardless of the situation. No one understands why I sit and wait, they tell me I should go home sleep, well I sleep here and I can shower here Adrian brings me clean clothes. I stay here because they don't know what it was like to find her. Broken, bleeding and the life slowly fading out of her eyes. They didn't see her cuts for the first time with no warning of what to expect. Adrian tried healing them but it's like Rose is blocking him or anyone from healing her. I guess the doctor was right about this being up to Ross to want to come back. I hope she chooses to come back so I can show her the people that still care about her.

I sit with her hand in mine squeezing it. In all honesty I'm sacred. Rose is the strongest person I know and this has happened to her. I wish she had of told one of what is going on. I would of helped her in a heartbeat. How could it be that she got so good at hiding it all from us. This has been going on for a lot longer than any of us knew. There were cuts that were just healing, white, red and pink scars. How did I not pick up on it. I should've known. Maybe if I spent more time with Rose when Belikov and Lissa pushed her away, if any of us spent more time with her, she would've known that we do love her. It's too late know for what if's and should have's what needs to happen now is helping Ross recover because I refuse to let her die.

I hear moaning. I whip my head around the room trying to find the source but it's just me and Rose. I must be seriously sleep deprived to think that someone is moaning. But I hear it again and this time there is a slight squeeze on my hand. It has to be Rose!

"I should've expected to be in the infirmary." She mumbled as her eyes fluttered open.

"Rose! Finally I was beginning to think you weren't coming back but I should've remembered you do everything in your own time." I said sarcastically as few tears escaped.

"It's ok Chris I'm fine now I promise." She said with a small smile.

"Yeah whatever. Are you in pain do you need anything?" I said trying to remain calm.

"No there is no pain. Did I get healed?" I just shook my head at her. "Funny I thought I'd be in more pain. Chris I need to get out of here."

"Ok I'll go get the doctor so he can discharge you."

"No! Chris I need to get out of here! Out of court. I can't be here anymore not while he screws her and I sit around and let myself go into that black hole again. I can't do it. I need to break free nobody wants me any ways. Lissa was right." She mumbled the last part. How did she become so broken? When didn't we realize?

I liked back at her and the tears were streaming down her face. I climbed into her bed and pulled her into my arms. "Shh Rosie it's ok. We do want you I promise. Adrian, Eddie, Mia and I need you here." I whispered little things to her till she calmed down and fell back to sleep. I didn't dare move, she needed to sleep and I didn't want to risk waking her.

I woke up to the sound of Adrian talking to someone. I opened my eyes and looked around. Rose's head was still resting on my chest her eyes closed.

"His trying to keep them out." Rose whispered.

"Trying to keep who out Rose?"

"Lissa and Dimitri. But I think I should speak to them. Can you and Adrian stay with me?" She asked looking scared.

"Of course, we aren't going anywhere." I promised her. "Adrian!" I semi shouted.

Adrian popped his head in the crack of the door. "Morning little Dhampir. What's wrong."

Rose just looked at me with those big brown eyes. "Rose wants to speak to them but we have to stay with her." I told him for her.

Adrain opened the door wider and in walked the two most despised people in this room. Rose stared at them coldly daring them to do something. Belikov stepped forward thinking he could talk to Rose. Bad move.


	5. Why

**hey sorry it's been a while guys! I kinda went through a dark patch. Anyways here's the story. Thanks heaps for all your support KissesInTheDark95 xxx**

A Better Place 5

ROSE'S P.O.V

Dimitri started moving towards me. A small growl escaped Chris's lips, if Dimitri heard it he made no indication of it.

"Roza." He mumbled followed by something in Russian that sounded like "moya milaya Roza, ya ponyatiya ne imel,! yebat' ya dolzhen byl udelit' bol'she vnimaniya k vam"

"Please get away from me Dimitri." I mumbled so softly.

"Rose are you ok?" Lissa asked gently.

"Why?"

"Why what Rose?"

"Why did you do that to me? Why did you want to hurt my so bad? Why did you take everything that ever meant something to me away? Why did you make me feel so worthless?" I asked keeping my voice low and the hurt out.

"Rose I never did that." Lissa answered. I just gave her a look. "I didn't mean for you..." I cut her off mid sentence.

"Tell me the truth Lissa." I said with a slight growl.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She said with a defiant look on her face.

"Don't lie to me!" I screamed shocking everyone in the room. "Did you forget that I can see into your fucking mind. I knew everything that you were thinking and everything you thought was directed towards me to make me want to leave. Is this what you wanted Lissa, for me to leave permanently." I yelled as I stood up out of bed removing my hospital gown so I was standing in my bra and underwear all of my scars showing. Christian and Adrian were trying to get me to get me to lie back down but I wouldn't have any of it.

"Roza." Flew out of Dimitri's mouth.

"Don't call me that. If you want to go around and fuck my best friend when you know I'm still in love with you and after I saved your life, than you don't get to pretend to be in love with me now."

"Rose please sit back down." Christian said with a few tears running down his cheeks. I looked over at Adrain and seen that he looked the same and was nodding at me. I guess none of them have seen my cuts and scars. I picked up my hospital gown and wrapped it back around me and sat on my bed cross legged still looking at Lissa and Dimitri.

"Answer me." I mumbled again. "Why?"

"Because you get everything Rose! God! All the boys are in love with you, everyone wants to be your friend, no matter what you do everyone forgives you as soon as you look at them! Argh you say that you're protecting me by not allowing me to use my magic but I know it's because you don't want any of the attention off of you! So I used compulsion on them. On Dimitri, Adrian, Christian and Eddie, made them never think of you or to go near you. I sent messages through the bond making you feel like shit and you know what, I'm glad I did. I wish that Christian didn't break through the compulsion and find you. I wish that Dimitri wasn't so strong at resisting my compulsion and actually slept with me! Why is everything always about Rose fucking Hathaway?" Everyone just stared at her in complete shock. I checked the bond to see if there was any darkness but I only found hate resentment and loathing all directed towards me.

"What?" Christian asked shocked. We were all shocked by the princess's reveal, Christian was just the first to regain his composure and actually speak. "What are you even going on about? I was in love with you! You used me to be selfish! I only broke out of your fucking compulsion when you took the broken pieces of me and made them into sand, when I found you practically trying to dry hump that Russian." Christian screamed. If I wasn't so hurt and betrayed by Lissa I would've slapped Christian for even thinking about speaking to her like that.

"Haha you were in love with me at one point but you were starting to fall out of love. I compelled you to love me for so damn long. You don't know how it feels to be second best to that... That Dhampir slut! God! When Dimitri found us his eyes were instantly on her you had to be blind to not know that they loved each other! We met Adrian and instantly he is captivated by Rose and wants her! And you Christian you started to fall for her after Spokane where she "saved" you! God if you were smart all of would've figured out that everything is her fault. Dimitri wouldn't have been turned and be tortured by those memories. Adrian you wouldn't have been strung along by someone who can't reciprocate those feelings. And Christian you wouldn't have even been in Spokane if it wasn't for her and poor Mason wouldn't be dead because once again Rose lead someone on!" All I can say is that hurt. A lot. It would've hurt less if she broke every bone in my body.

"Get out!" I said in a deadly tone. "All of you just get out!" I yelled my voice breaking with the tears that I refused to cry while they were all here.

"My pleasure." Was muttered as Lissa left. Dimitri, Adrian and Christian were reluctant to leave but I just gave them a watery smile silently begging them to leave me alone. They slowly left the room Dimitri and Adrain giving me looks of pity. Christian walked towards me and gave me a tight hug.

"I know you're stronger than this Rose. I know you can pull through, just don't listen to anything she says none of it's your fault. Please don't do anything Rosie. I'll be back before they serve dinner." He whisper promised slowly letting me go. Why would fire boy care so much about what I did?

He left me alone to my thoughts after that. My thoughts turned dark and I knew Lissa was right. This is all my fault. The doctor came in to check on me and I effectively blocked her out. My eyes fixated on something in her pocket. A scalpel. Why the hell did she have one? I thought they only had those in surgery. Either way right now I don't care why she has it all I know is I need it. When turned to check the machine I dipped my hand into her pocket and pulled out the scalpel with ninja skills. I held the scalpel under the covers when the doctor turned back around. Funny I thought I'd be on suicide watch or something. Maybe Adrian compelled them I don't know.

She smiled at me and left my room finally. I took the scalpel and positioned myself so I could cut my thighs.

_**moya milaya Roza, ya ponyatiya ne imel,! yebat' ya dolzhen byl udelit' bol'she vnimaniya k vam Translates to: my sweet roza i had no idea! fuck i should've paid more attention to you (at least that's what I typed in!)**_


	6. The help of a friend

**Hey guys so here's another update. YAY! Most of what Rose is feeling and thinking is from my own experience. This chapter is RosexChris friendship chapter. I think I know which way I'm heading with this story but still leave me a review to let me know if you want RXC or RXD romance. Thanks guys heap for your support please leave a review on how you think it's going. Merry Christmas (even of it is a day late) love lots KissesInTheDark xx**

A Better Place Chap 6

I had the scalpel resting against my thigh ready to cut but I couldn't. I couldn't make the damn thing penetrate my skin. Cutting myself was only a temporary release, it didn't last as long as I needed it too. If I continued going on how I was there would be no part of me left unmarked. But could one little cut hurt me that much?

'Remember last time?' A voice that oddly sounded like Mason's whispered to me.

Last time when I thought one little cut could make all the pain go away. When one little cut could change everything. When that one little cut became my life line and one turned into two into five into twenty ever so quickly. But was I really willing to give that up? Give up the only thing that made me feel better.

No. Everything still hurt and everyone still blamed me for everything. I couldn't continue to hurt them. Every time I cut I'm really just helping them all. I could start to feel the darkness that starts in my mind expand, every part of me was engulfed in darkness, until the black cloud of hate and self pity was pumping through my veins and around my body. Everything that seemed rational and right was overtook by this strong urge to destroy myself. What else was I supposed to do besides dig the scalpel into my leg and drag it across. Christian didn't really mean what he said. He knows I'm not strong. He probably only saved me because of his guilt because who would honestly want me in their life?

Just one little cut and everything will be so much easier. One little cut and you'll feel so much better. I reasoned with myself.

"Do it Rose, you know it's the only way." Was whispered inside my head. That was all I needed to know what to do next.

The scalpel finally penetrated my skin and I dug across. The pain rushed through me taking away the confusion and emotional hurt. Everything was better. One more cut and everything would be perfect.

By the time I was finished with cutting myself there was more than just one little cut and I could hear footsteps coming this way. I hid the scalpel under the pillow and rolled onto my side pretending to be asleep. The door to my room opened and closed gently and one of the waiting chairs were dragged right up to the side of my bed. Whoever was in my room took my hand into their warm larger one and gently squeezed it.

"When did everything become so complicated?" Christian whispered to me. Christian really did mean it when he said he'd be back. The guilt for what I'd just done hit me like a tone of bricks. "Rose I know that you're hurting right now but trust me it will get easier and I'll always be there to help you. Please don't shut us out again. We can't help you if you don't let us in, you're only shutting yourself off by the walls you put up. I never want to find you like that again Rose, that was one of the hardest things of my life. You didn't even leave a note, nothing to say goodbye to us. You could've died and we would've spent forever blaming ourselves thinking that we could've done something but you never told us. You still haven't told us. Please just talk to me if you ever feel that again." He begged softly and everything went quiet. Tears were streaming down my face by now and a soft sob escaped my mouth.

"Rose? What's wrong?"

"Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame. Be my friend? Help me be strong again, I am small I need help to stop." I let it out. I cried to Christian revealing my weakness.

"Show me." He whispered back slowly. I sat up and pulled back the sheet revealing the mess of my thigh. "Rose." He breathed out.

"I'm sorry Christian I couldn't stop, I tried so hard and at first I couldn't do it. I couldn't physically dig the stupid scalpel into my leg but then I began reasoning with myself; nobody even likes me, none of want me here and that one little cut would make it all better. But once again that one little cut became too good, that feeling was amazing and I couldn't stop at just one. I needed to keep going it's the only thing that takes away everything else, the hurt, betrayal, broken heart, just everything is gone and I feel free. But I wasn't going to go there again but I couldn't not do it the urge to feel that feeling again was all too much and I had to I couldn't deny myself it any longer so I dug it in and cut once but I couldn't stop at one I had to keep going." I rambled to him.

"Rosie!" Christian exclaimed.

"I need help Chris, I don't want to be broken anymore." I cried as Christian's arms circled around my waist pulling me into a hug letting me cry all over him.

"I'll help you Rose. It'll be you and me together. But you need to promos me that if you ever feel that urge again that you'll call me and I'll come running as fast as I can. Call me Rose and I'll help you get through whatever it is without you cutting. We'll make everything better together you just need to talk to me." He soothed as he rocked me.

"I'm scared Chris. What if I'm never that Rose again. What if I can't break out of this black hole? What if I don't want to?" I mumbled.

"I'll be here for you if your strong or if you show your emotions because your still Rose. I know that you'll be able to break out of it it'll just take sometime but I'll be here."

"Why doesn't he want me Chris? Why aren't I good enough for him? First your aunt now my best friend. I'm always going to be second best."

"It doesn't matter. It's his loss Rose. You'll show him how much better you'll be without him. Show him that he can't hurt you anymore."

"I still love him but he doesn't want me. It's just so hard to know what to do when I spent so long trying to be with him then having to hunt him down and kill him only to find out that I didn't and then restoring him to Dhampir. I've spent so long trying to make everything right and then this happens."

"I know it's hard but I'll be here for you this time Rose. I won't let you do it alone." Christian promised as he hugged me tighter.


	7. The Belikov's

**Hey guys another chapter update. YAY! Please leave a review and tell me what you think. If you haven't read Miss Mead's short story homecoming get on it, it's about Rose and Dimitri and that's where I got my inspiration for the Belikov's reaction from :) Remember to review guy it makes me happy and write faster, love you lots KissesInTheDark xx**

A Better Place Chap 7

Christian held me for as long as I cried. I let everything out, how much Lissa hurt me, how much I'm still in love with Dimitri even if his hurt me too many times to count, how Lissa is right about everything, that if I was a better person I would've saved Mason, how much I miss Mason, how I've hurt everyone close to me, I just let it all out and just cried. After my crying ceased he still held me just whispering little things to me.

"None of what Lissa said is true Rose. We all love you and you're not alone this time around I'll help you no matter how hard you think it's going to be." He promised me once again. I couldn't ask that much of him though, I couldn't ask him to be my rock when he has to be hurting as well. How could I unload all of my problems onto him it wouldn't be right or fair. We were interrupted by a knock on the door and Christian gently released to go answer it. I rolled onto my side once more so whoever was at the door thought I was asleep.

"What are you doing here?" Christian spat at whoever it was.

"I'm here to speak to Rose. I need to talk to her, to explain everything." That beautiful voice laced with a Russian accent spoke almost hurt.

"Why? So you can hurt her again? So you can break her heart once more? Or is it to tell her that you still love her only to go running back to Vasalisa?" Christian spat at him. I would've scolded him for speaking to Dimitri that way if he wasn't protecting me.

"It's imperative that I speak to her right now. It's about my family Roza." He called into my room pleading with me.

His family? Had something happened to them? Vika, Olena, Karolina, Sonya, Yeva, Paul and little Zoya. I couldn't turn Dimitri away of it concerned these people, these people that had accepted me so easily and loved me more than my own family had.

"Chris you can let him." I whispered knowing that both had heard me. Christian did as I asked and Dimitri walked in looking sad and worried. Something was seriously wrong. We stared at each other for a few minutes not knowing where to start. "Chris could you give us a few minutes I'll be fine." I promised him.

"I'll be just down the hall shout if you need me and I'll come running." He said as he left closing the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry Roza, I should've been stronger, I should've fought her compulsion. You were the first person I wanted to run to but for some reason I ran to Lissa. I wish I never hurt you so much. I wish things could've been like how they were at the cabin." He murmured.

"I... I..." I had no idea what to say to that. I love him still but I'm still hurting. "I still love you Dimitri, I never stopped loving you but with saying that I'm still hurting so much that I feel like I'm suffocating and there's only one way out. I just need time to be me again, to be normal." I told him honestly he nodded at me. "Now what was it about your family?" I asked the question that had me worried.

"Don't worry Roza they're not hurt." I told me as he took my hand gently. "I got word from Tasha that they're coming here as a surprise visit for you. Apparently Vika needs to apologize for something."

"That's good news Dimitri they'll get to see you again, your family will be so happy!" I smiled to him.

"Roza they don't know that I'm Dhampir again. They're coming to see you. They have no idea that your in hospital for a suicide attempt." He muttered the last part.

"Oh god. Oh god. What am I going to do? Why didn't you tell them that you're Dhampir again Dimitri? They would've been over the moon with joy but you kept that from them!" I yelled at him.

"I know I should've told them and I wanted to straight away but Lissa told me that I shouldn't, that it would cause them too much hurt. Now that I think about it without her input she just wanted me around her longer so she could control me." He reasoned.

"Fair enough." I muttered. "What am I going to do they're coming to see me and I'm here chilling in a hospital bed like trying to take my own life isn't a big deal. Fuck! Comrade what are we going to do?" I let it slip out by accident.

"Roza we'll help each other through it. I'm sure Ivashkov can use some of his charm to get you released and we can take on the rest from there." Why did he always have a plan?

"Before that Dimitri. You need to call them and tell them that you're you again so that when they get here they don't freak out thinking that you're a strigoi."

"Why are you so smart my Roza?" He murmured.

"Don't go there Dimitri." I whispered. "Chris?" I called out. Within two seconds he was in my room.

"Are you alright Rose?" He asked glaring at Dimitri.

"Everything is going to be fine Chris. I need to borrow your phone though." He pulled his phone out and handed it to me. "Call them right now Dimitri. Tell them." I gave him a stern look until he started to dial a number. "Put it on speaker."

The phone rang a few times until a reply came through. Vika's voice fluttered through the line causing my heart to hurt.

"Can you put the phone on speaker please Vika and get your family to all come around." I asked and you could hear some rustling around and the word 'Roza' muttered over and over again.

"Hello?" Was asked across the line by Olena.

"Everyone there is someone sitting beside me who really needs to talk to you. I need you to keep an open mind and remember the undiscovered magic that spirit users can wield." I reasoned trying to get the Belikov's to understand the impossible with out completely dismissing this before Dimitri had a chance.

"Of course we will Roza." Olena whispered through the phone. Without being near them I could tell that they were hoping that their son, brother, uncle, grandson was the person beside me back as they remembered him. I can still remember their faces when I told them what had happened.

"Mama," Dimitri started softly, "I'm... I'm me again."

You could hear a pin drop and all the Belikov's took in a sharp breath. And then the convocation started in Russian leaving me and Christian staring at each other confused. 20 minutes later the convocation picked up in English.

"Thank you so much my Roza, we have to come and see for ourselves. We owe you everything." Olena declared while Yeva mumbled in Russian probably how she had seen this is what I needed to do and that she knew her grandson was Dhampir again.


End file.
